Getting out of My Depression

Lately and by that I mean for a long time, I have been in a funk. Feeling worried about everything and then nothing at the same time. STRESSING!!!! Feeling like I can't keep up in life and praying for a calgon moment. What did God show me today has been wrong with all those statements. It is simple, so simple it is hard to admit. It is the word "I". I want to be recognized and told that all I do is so great. WHATEVER!!! Everyone has stress, everyone has responsibilities, everyone has a to do list and need "me time". What am I really suppose to be doing? When did I loose the joy of following Christ and replace it with a "have to" attitude?

Today I went to a "Personal Evaluation For A Servant of God" seminar. I have to admit I didn't really feel like going. I had plenty of other things I felt I needed to do. To top it off our BSF leader said that it would be a quite study time in the Word. Oh great was my thought, I don't want to put effort in. I want to sit back and be inspired. I had signed up because I was looking for the "feeling" I used to get when I got to watch Joyce Meyers everyday. It was my FEED ME attitude that made me almost head out the door. But God is good. When I began to DIG in, that old JOY returned. I remembered my mom reading me Bible stories as a child. I remembered studying the Word in college with fervency. I remembered Bible Studies where I felt God work IN me in the past. It was not my daily/weekly get it done so I can do something else time. I actually got to HEAR God.

Here is the meat of it for me....we are called to serve. Not be served! Okay so I know God has been pounding that into me for awhile now but what really stuck me was the small stuff. Like in 1Peter 5:2 how we are "overseers" of God's flock. Kimberly, Ethan, Jayden and Doug are HIS not mine. When I am stressing to help them do what is right it is not to represent my family but God's family. I need to also remember that THEY are who I am here for not EVERYONE. Also that I have really lost my zeal for life as Christ's servant as Romans 12:11 encourages. I have a job as a servant and I need to be kind and not fight or be resentful as in 2 Timothy 2:24. What is with me being a "wet noodle" about serving (my visual for being kinda dead like.). I should be remembering Deuteronomy 13:4 and serving WHOLEHEARTEDLY.

I really got it when we gathered together and the leader used the example of Jesus's first miracle. He was at a wedding and they needed more wine. Jesus could have filled all the glasses and been done, but he gave the servants (US) the privilege to pour it. He does the work we just have to act and I am complaining. COME ON, I have been blessed with people to love and serve in my life and I better stop wining and POUR IT OUT!!!! Thank you Jesus for your patients and love for me. Help me to truly find my JOY in serving you.